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yesDivorcee Q&A with Candace Walsh

Candace WalshPhoto courtesy of Seal Press
Candace Walsh has written for New York Magazine, Travel & Leisure, Newsday, German Vogue, and Food &Wine, as well as co-founding Mamalicious Magazine. She is the articles and poetry editor at Mothering Magazine and editor of Ask Me About My Divorce, a compilation of women’s divorce tales. Walsh talked to Untied about her book, her divorce, and dying her hair blond.

Untied: What was the hardest thing about your divorce?
Candace: The hardest thing about my divorce was the unexpected land mines of grief that would pop up every now and then. It made me feel shaky to think I was doing OK but then be triggered by an unexpected memory or event.

Untied: What was the most empowering thing about your divorce?
Candace: I realized that I am responsible for my own happiness and that it feels really good to make that a priority.

Untied: What advice would you give to someone about to get married?
Candace: Don’t let resentments build. If you feel like you’re at a standoff, go see a therapist together, earlier, rather than later. Resentments curdle love.

Untied: What advice would you give to someone going through a divorce?
Candace: There’s no way around it – you have to go through it. Take this opportunity to feel your feelings as intensely as possible so that you can leave them behind and emerge lighter and more powerful.

Untied: What do you wish you had known before you got married?
Candace: I wish I had gone more slowly. I rushed into my relationship and into marriage and didn’t really know my spouse, or myself, through and through.

Untied: What is your greatest achievement?
Candace: So far, bearing and giving birth to my children. Each day is another link in the chain of the process of giving them all they deserve. If I succeed at that, that will be my greatest achievement.

Untied: What is your biggest regret?
Candace: I wish I had spent more time with my grandmother before she succumbed to Alzheimer’s.

Untied: Who or what makes you happiest?
Candace: I would say it is a tie between dancing around the kitchen with my kids in the morning, noticing how Ask Me About My Divorce is giving women hope and feeding their souls, and spending time with my partner.

Untied: Who or what is your greatest inspiration?
Candace: My father’s motto: “Show up for life.”

Untied: How have you changed since your divorce?
Candace: I look back and laugh a little sometimes at myself, teetering on my baby divorcée legs. I dyed my hair blond. I lost about 20 pounds just from grief and ran around in stiletto heels and tight jeans. That was me trying to recover my inner sexpot, I think, after feeling so neutered by pregnancy, the postpartum period, and a romantically moribund marriage. I’ve come back to a really great center. I feel more feminine and pulled-together now than I did when I was married, but in a very relaxed and natural way.

Untied: Can you ever imagine being re-married?
Candace: Yes, I can. I’ve learned so much about what does and doesn’t work in a marriage that I look forward to putting that knowledge into action, when the time is right.

Untied: What is your hope for all women?
Candace: I hope we all come to a place of self-knowledge sooner rather than later. We all need to figure out what brings us joy, and to do that. We need to live our truth and design lives that support that.

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