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You’ve spent time finding out who you are and you’re ready to move on. But you have reservations about jumping in to the dating scene again — and even worse, making the same mistakes twice. “You don’t want to replay past history,” says Kathy Dawson, a Cleveland based relationship author and coach who’s appeared on NBC’s Today Show In this month’s Five Minute Therapy session, we turn to the guys to help answer that burning question: What should you avoid this time around?
The Man With A Plan… For Tonight At Least
You’re at the bar with your girls when he approaches. He spits out cheesy compliments and asks you whether he’s met you before. “This guy’s into me,” you think. Wrong. “When a man approaches you,” says Steve Harvey, comedian, actor, and author of the New York Times bestselling book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. “He has a plan… to sleep with you, or find out what it takes to sleep with you.” To avoid confusion, put your dating expectations on the table, so he knows you have standards. If he thinks you lack requirements, then the game is on, and in his eyes you’re an easy win. But if he knows he must put in the work before he gets your “cookie,” then he’ll decide you’re either not worth his effort or just what he needs. At the same time, knowing this allows you to cut through all his nonsense, and let’s him know what he’s getting from you (or not getting).
Being Used, Reused, and Recycled
“Men will take advantage of women who let them,” say authors Bradley Gerstman, Christopher Pizzo, and Rich Seldes. In their book What Men Want, the boys admit if men can’t be with the ones they love, they hook up with the ones they can. If Mr. Right Now shows no signs of commitment, walk away. Here’s a clue: If he only hangs around you late at night when there’s a chance your boots might hit his bed, then move on to someone who’d love to see you with them on (and off). Like Harvey, they also suggest you discuss where you stand. He’ll either respect your boldness or give you the nasty truth, allowing you to move on and find someone who appreciates you for you.
Thinking “I’m Not the Monogamous Type” Means “I Haven’t Found the Right Girl Yet.”
If Greg Behrendt, author of the hit book-turned-movie He’s Just Not That Into You, has taught us anything about men it’s that they say what they mean, and mean what they say. “Guys tell you how they feel,” he says, “even if you refuse to listen or believe them.” If he introduces you as his friend, then you’re just his friend. If he tells you he’s not looking for anything serious, then he’s not going to commit. And if he says it’s not you, it’s him, then believe he’s the one with the issues, and you’re just way too good for him. You get the point. Men are simple creatures, don’t misinterpret what they say as more than just that. |
